Saying Good-bye

I have been scarce lately. In fact, my last post was February 7, 2018, the day before my life—as I had known it for 33 years—was altered forever.

On February 8, 2018, my husband Barry Lee Miller attended VSSM with me. VSSM is a ministry school hosted by Caldwell, Idaho's Valley Church. Once class was over, students came forward to voice their prayer requests. Barry, who had been praying next to me, jumped from his seat and ran toward the front. Those who saw him coming reported a joyous expression on his face. (I only saw his backside.) His gaze was set on something unseen between him and the row of people. Suddenly, he fell forward on his face. He made no effort to catch his fall.

Despite every effort to resuscitate him, Barry passed away. The coroner determined that he suffered a heart attack—but not the kind that occurs with the familiar warning signs. She explained that a piece of plaque may have broken loose and clogged an artery, in which case death can be instantaneous. He suffered no pain.

We were all stunned. Barry had simply stumbled into GLORY!

Since losing his job, Barry had been in a positive and peaceful place. He was praying and devouring God’s Word, reaching out to others, and he was the happiest he had been in years. Brock, our 18-year-old son even commented, “Dad is so happy!”

Barry kept assuring me, "God is going to pour out His blessing and provision upon our family. We are under an open Heaven." I believed it. I just thought it included him. As I rehearse the 4 weeks before his passing, Barry seemed to be preparing me to forge ahead.

I had 33 years with this remarkable man of God. He was loving, funny, caring, sacrificial, dedicated, faithful, and his family was his greatest treasure on this earth.

There is no mistake that God orchestrated this homecoming in front of our watchful eyes. I do not pretend to understand the timing, especially since we were enjoying a new season of marriage and ministry. 

Home is the hardest place to be. Barry's spirit, resonating voice, and laughter added so much to our abode. I am still coming to grips with the reality that I am moving forward without him. Grief seems unbearable at times. I did not want to do this alone. Yet, I have this sense that God is guiding me to something extraordinary—a place that will begin to make sense of this arduous and complicated journey. 

I love you, Bear! You were my best friend and my biggest supporter. Until we reunite, keep cheering me on.

But those who wait on the Lord

Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like eagles,

They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint.

-Isaiah 40:31

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